Finding Balance In Your Daily Life

I’m sure that I’m not the only one who’s experienced this. In fact if there’s one common thread in my friends’ lives, it’s that we all are trying so hard to get “where we want to be” that we’re working our bodies and minds to breaking point. When you get to this place, the only thing to do is take a time out. Recently, my partner and I went to Fiji for two weeks with the sole purpose of restoring balance. I’d been ignoring my body’s cries for so long, all I really wanted was to get to a place where I would eat when I was hungry, sleep when I was tired and wake when my body or the Sun roused me.

And it was wonderful – we didn’t use computers, phones or watches, rarely wore shoes, went to bed when the Sun went down and woke up at sunrise. Every morning I’d go for a swim before breakfast and took time out to rest and read a book if I felt tired. I arrived at every meal hungry. And then I actually sat down to eat. I started to take pleasure in things that would stress me out back home – one  day I sat in the hammock and talked, read and did nothing all day without a single twinge of guilt or deadline anxiety.

I returned feeling rested, excited to take on anything and determined to maintain this balance. While I think I’ve definitely made some progress, I still find myself eating at strange times, staying up late stressing about work, waking my boyfriend up with grinding teeth in the middle of the night (is there anything worse?) and generally running around without a sense of calm. This happens to a lot of people when they return from holidays, and I always wonder, is it possible to keep that balanced feeling in our day-to-day life? Do we have to run away to a tropical island every single time we get stressed?

After speaking to some inspiring women and picking the brain of some of the most serene people I know, I think it’s possible to get a vacation-state-of-mind when we’re back in the real world. And without dropping all those millions of balls we’re all juggling. But it’s going to take a little bit of work. Below are six pieces of tried-and-tested advice that I’ve been given on how to avoid burn out. If you often find yourself spread too thin and feeling like you need to run away to a beach somewhere, maybe they’ll help you too...

1. Schedule 20 minutes every day just for you:  Do whatever you want - lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling for 20 minutes, sit in the Sun, read a book, drink tea, plonk the kids in front of the TV/in the jolly jumper and paint your nails. Whatever you do, make sure it’s uninterrupted and that it’s purely selfish. I’m going to try and make sure I have 20 minutes a day where I reflect on my thoughts and energy levels, something I rarely do.

2. Meditate: This is obviously something that can be incorporated into your 20 minutes, but I thought I’d address it separately as it’s something I struggle with. I have a very active mind and find it really, really hard to meditate despite many attempts and classes. However, I am not ready to give up because the benefits of meditation are so phenomenal. A recent study by The University of Sydney found there was a pronounced difference between the health of meditators and non-meditators, especially when it came to mental health, blood pressure and general wellbeing. So I’m going to stop being so stressed about not being able to do it properly and try again (and again). Here are some tips from the amazing Deepak Chopra.

3. Make a timetable: I’m really bad with time management. I blame it on being creative, but I’ve always been this way and it’s time I started addressing it. My problem is that I don’t have a routine. At all. Most of my friends have some form of regular week – on Sunday they cook dinner, Wednesday is Pilates and Friday is date night. I envy them so much. If you’re anything like me, every week is completely random and chaotic – I go to yoga whenever I can, cook at strange times (midnight on a Wednesday is a good time to prepare for the week, right?) and rarely remember what day it is. But admitting you have a problem is the first step, so a friend is helping me to create a high-school style timetable that will schedule in a few important things everyday, helping me to create some structure. The hardest part is going to be sticking to it.

4. Technology-free Saturdays: Despite the fact that I’m writing this story on a Saturday, I have to say that this tip is the one I’m most excited about trying. It’s obviously not practical for every lifestyle or for every week, but my boyfriend and I are going to make an effort to have 24 hours without intrusive forms of technology – from midnight Friday to midnight Saturday. This means no computer, no TV, no phones. I can’t decide whether it will be harder resisting the urge to zone out in front of the TV, or tell friends and families we’re un-contactable (other than by home phone in case of emergencies). Of course, we’ll still be social, but just in person rather than online or via text. I think it will be a great opportunity to really relax and connect with family and friends. Play cards, read books – talk! We may have to start with 12 hours to ease into it, but I am looking forward to it. Maybe you could just wean out one thing each week if you’re struggling – email- or TV-free Saturday?

5. Take back control: I think the hardest thing when you’re feeling burnt out is that you feel you have no control over anything. You must finish this work, you need to see your friends for drinks and you should exercise. But apparently a shift in the way you think about commitments can make a big difference. Over the next few weeks, every time I start to feel hopeless and out of control, I’m going to remember that I chose to work on this project, I love seeing my friends and have chosen to have them in my life and I also choose to keep my body healthy. I’m hoping this slight shift will make me feel on top of the rolling ball, rather than running behind.

6. Say No: This is the hardest step for many women (myself very much included), and I believe it partially comes down to self-esteem. For the longest time I really believed if I said no to a friend for dinner that they would hate me. Or if I said no to a project I’d never get asked again. I love the quote “What’s for you won’t pass you by” because it helps me stay calm in these situations. Don’t let fear make you burn yourself out or force you to chase and grasp at everything with of your energy. Be confident and believe in yourself and your abilities.  What you offer to friends, lovers, employers and the world is unique and valuable. And people who respect that and want to work/be with you will appreciate your boundaries.  It’s easy to say, but I think really believing it takes practice. And it’s important to remember that while saying no is scary, saying yes and then cancelling all the time is worse and may actually make people dislike you. I used to do this all the time and end up feeling guilty and ashamed. So I am trying really hard to stop and think before I say yes to anything. Hopefully it’ll help me to find the time and energy to action the other five tips.

I hope that some of these ideas might help you maintain balance in your busy life, and I’d love to hear if you decide to try any of them (and if they work). Do you have any other tips that you use to bring calm to your everyday life? Is finding balance a constant struggle for you? Remember, it’s never too late to create the life you want.

Fiona

xoxo